A Lesson In Larceny
by Neneithel
Summary: Daniel tries to teach Harry.


_**A Lesson in Larceny.**_

"Let's start with a question." said Daniel.

"What question?" said Harry, lounging on the chaise longue.

"Good question." said Daniel with a smile, "Let's start with 'what do people want?'"

"Gina Lollobrigida." said Harry lazily, gazing at his movie magazine.

Daniel took the magazine and put it on the table. "Harry, if you concentrate, you may one day be able to meet the lady herself, attired in appropriate style and with sufficient money to move in her exalted circles."

Harry sat up. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"The first thing everyone wants is security. They want to know where the next meal is coming from, that they'll have a warm place to sleep - you know better than most how important those things are. Those without our talents mistake money for the answer, but a man can live very effectively without money if he is cleverer than those who have plenty."

"You mean we nick it off them." said Harry.

"Gregory Peck and Joyce Grenfell, 1954."

"The Million Pound Note?" said Harry. He smiled. "Ah, of course!"

"You don't need to spend a dollar when people are sure you're rich. Now, people in search of security in the form of money can be easy targets, but there are better ones. What do people want beyond basic needs?"

Harry gestured to the decanter on the table. "Luxuries."

"Why?"

"Because they make life better."

"Do they?" said Daniel.

"Don't they?" said Harry. He thought for a while. "I used to think, if I had what the toffs had, I'd be happy."

"Would you be happy if everyone had the same?"

"Well, it wouldn't be special then, would it?"

"And people want to feel special, chosen, elite. Tell a man he has exquisite taste and knowledge and he'll buy your forgery just to prove you right. Tell a woman she is so vastly superior to you that you dare not even glance upon her and she'll practically drag you into bed - just never use the word vast. When they know you're a liar, tell them you wouldn't bother lying to them, because they'd know right away."

"You're so crooked it's a wonder you can buy trousers that fit." said Harry in admiration.

"Pass me one of those cigars you stole." said Daniel.

"Yes, but I had no education." said Harry, handing him a cigar.

"Tell it to the judge. What else do people want? And if you say Ingrid Bergman, I'll talk all through Casablanca next time it's on."

"Well, I know what I want. Something for nothing and the feeling of putting one over on someone. I want to walk away knowing I won and he lost."

"Bullseye, my boy! Every one of those cow-eyed, addlepated suckers out there thinks they're cleverer than us and one of the best things we can do is let them go right on thinking it. Lay out the bait so they think they see a lot more than you do. Spoon feed them the way to make a fool out of you. Let them convince themselves that you're a gullible fool and that they can swindle you, then you can take everything they have with a clear conscience and their full cooperation."

Harry frowned. "What if we're the addlepated suckers, and we just think we're fooling them into thinking they're fooling us when really it's them fooling us into thinking we're fooling them?"

"We're not." said Daniel.

"How do you know?"

"Because we're the ones living in a Belgravia townhouse, drinking mature whiskey from Venetian glass."

"How much money do you actually have?" said Harry.

"All of it." said Daniel.

"All of it?"

"It's all mine when I want it. I merely choose to employ an army of idiots to keep it flowing around so it's there when I need it."

"I still think we might be someone else's idiots." said Harry.

"It doesn't matter if we are."

"It doesn't?"

"If we are, we deserve to lose our money, which was never ours anyway. The world needs the gullible, proud and greedy."

"If we got conned out of everything, you'd still pretend we won."

"Harry, success in life is 1% hard work, 10% planning and 88% bluffing, lying, scheming, faking and misleading."

"What's the other 1%?" said Harry after a brief mental calculation.

"Chicanery." said Daniel and he grinned.

The End.


End file.
